Rainbow-coloured confusion

Have you seen this?  Type "gay" or "LGBT" or "bisexual" or "lesbian" or "transgender" (there are probably a bunch more than this) into Google and see what you get.

[Go do it, come back, read the rest of this.]

Pretty, huh?

A (queer activist) friend posted this on Facebook, so I tried it and said words to the effect of: "aww... good old Google..."

Turns out, though, that a mutual friend of ours (one who I know far better than the OP, to be honest), had posted some comments on the OP's post that, on the surface, for people who knew him, were mostly fine, and it's good to question rather than assume you know what something means but, well, some people took exception to what he was saying, probably partly because they didn't know him, but, well, it got me thinking.

For some context, he said, among other things: "I think google easter eggs are brilliant, and this one for an especially worthy cause, which I support wholeheartedly. Just pointing out that the rainbow thing is more to do with Pride than colour wheels or Noah, and the Pride movement will have reached the zenith of its achievements when people google LGBT and nobody thinks it any more remarkable than if they'd googled 'person'. We are the labels we choose to wear, if we choose to wear them."

And then followed it up with: "I'm not having a go at gays or anything..."

Someone accused him of "internalised homophobia", and it all started getting sticky.  I waded in, coz, well, mouthing off about the fight for equality is something I'm known for (I hope), and something I need to do more.  This is the blog version of my response to him.

To someone who didn't know him, some of the language he used above there could come across as privileged and ignorant.  Especially the phrase "I'm not having a go at gays or anything..." as that sounds perilously close to that old "I'm not racist but..." prefix.  Never mind the fact that he's a clever guy and may well have meant it to be ironic - that wasn't going to help a crowd of internet strangers who didn't know him warm to the sentiments. It's really easy to slip and sound - at best - patronising, when coming from a position of privilege, when all you're trying to do is ask the right questions/ show that you're a good guy.  God knows I've done it often enough myself (about class, race, educational background, trans* issues, etc.).

It also had me thinking about and finally articulate an issue I've experienced for quite some time when talking to educated, articulate straight or male (for example) allies: it can be quite frustrating when someone who is well-meaning but privileged in that they are not [insert gay/ trans*/ black/ disabled/ whatever "minority" under discussion here] seems to be saying: "Oh, but surely all this 'pride' thing is just silly - we're all people after all!"  This is all very well and good and laudable, and yes - we all want that long-term, of course we do (unless we don't, in which case [insert epithet of choice here]), but it rarely - if ever - makes the [insert straight/ cis/ white/ able-bodied/ able-minded/ whatever "majority" counts here] person come across like an ally. Particularly if they've never had to live it, it has them come across more like someone who hasn't realised that right now we're still within living memory of e.g.:

• employment laws that didn't protect gay people (that protection only came in during 2004);
• the laws in the US about mixed-race marriages (yep, only in the last third of the 20th Century was that repealed);
• unequal age of consent for gay men (and complete lack of acknowledgement of it for gay women); and
• lack of specialised support for the independence of people with disabilities (Disability Living Allowance only came in during 1992, and the Disability Discrimination Act only came in 1995, and was rolled out achingly slowly).

Then there's the stuff that's still going on, e.g.:

• the statistics (or even anecdotal evidence - perception is still important) about how black men are more likely to be stopped by the police in the UK than white men;
• the statistics (or even anecdotal evidence - perception is still important) about the inequality of pay between men and women;
• the negative stereotyping and unequal representation in the media and everyday conversation (when was the last time you described someone as "able-bodied" or "white" when asked to describe them to someone else?);
• the thing where rape is still seen as a "women's issue";
• the inequality of statutory parental leave after childbirth;
• LET ALONE the fact that in many countries of the world it's not only less tolerated but actually illegal to be actively self-defining as non-heterosexual, on pain of incarceration and threat of death.

There's a LOT of work to be done to gain full equality, and people seeming to tell us that we should be over it already feels like a bit of a slap in the face, if I'm honest.

Because the scales are still tipped way over, we still need to be putting extra effort into a) educating [insert straight/ cis/ white/ able-bodied/ able-minded/ whatever "majority" counts here] people about what it means to be otherwise; and b) instilling a sense of pride and happiness in [insert gay/ trans*/ black/ disabled/ whatever "minority" under discussion here] about their identities, because it's all too easy to feel the shame and the horrible pressure to hide, conform, doubt yourself in those circumstances.

TL;DR: when about to open your mouth/ keyboard on something you haven't experienced/ are not involved in to a certain degree, you may need to "check your privilege", and reconsider how your words would come across to someone who a) didn't know you, b) inhabited the minority you're talking about in what may seem such a casual manner.

That's my first ramble out of the way. There'll be more.